I will grow up big!!!!

It's tough growing up.

Sometimes, when we get older, we don't have time for the things we used to like doing so much. Take my blog for instance. I've really been neglecting it lately. Before I could walk, it seemed like the natural thing to do; tell everyone about my life from behind the keyboard. However, now that I can walk (who am I kidding, I only run when I'm on the move) sitting behind the boring keyboard seems so blase (how the heck do you do that little ' over the e?)

You folks that spend all day blogging and commenting on ActiveRain..........do me a favor. STEP AWAY FROM THE KEYBOARD and get out and exercise for at least 30 minutes a day. I promise you'll feel so much better about yourself. I just go outside and run around in circles sometimes. I do it until I get dizzy........then I just fall down. What do I care, I'm two.........I suppose if you did that you would probably look pretty foolish. You're probably old like my dad. When he does it, it's pretty funny though. I don't think he looks foolish, and who really cares what those other people think. You know, the ones who never have any fun. You can have those people. I'll take my dad.

Being two is pretty cool. This crazy brain of mine is on overdrive (wait does a brain go 'on overdrive' or does it get 'in overdrive'....arrrgg, so many questions). I hear hundreds of new words every day. Do you know how hard it is to keep up? No wonder some kids get ADD. It's a lot of stuff to keep up with. Words, letters, numbers, girls........oh wait, errr......nevermind.

Alright, alright, you could probably care less about what I have to say. You probably just want to see my pictures from my birthday.

In my defense, that Rat is pretty scary up close. Have you ever seen a 6'2" Rat????? Where the heck do they grow these things? I know we don't have sewers this big here. They must have flown this thing in from Mexico City. Seriously, whose bright idea was it to put a ton of REALLY cool toys and video games in a huge room, get kids all relaxed and having fun.....THEN RUSH OUT A HUGE RAT?????? That's insane! It make absolutely no sense whatsoever. If you try to defend it as "cute" or "adorable" I'll know you are out of your freaking mind as well. So don't even try it nut job!

Sorry, I'm rambling (I'm telling you, it's hard to get everything out in a coherent fashion when you are two).........ok, here is the evidence pictures.

Check out my bad*ss bike (I could be in trouble for typing that word, please don't tell dad). Yeah those are training wheels, so what?

yeah, so here is where they sneak in the Rat. can you tell I was caught off guard? Look, I don't care if you are a Rat. Not everyone can be as cute as I am. But if you are going to be a Rat, don't go sneaking up on two year olds who are hanging out with their friends having a good time. It's just not right Chuck!

Peace? Peace? Are you serious???? I'll knock those two buck teeth out of your mouth if you don't back the heck up Chuck!! I told you, it's just not cool sneaking up on a guy when he's trying to eat pizza. I promise you don't want anything to do with this left hook Chuck, you just don't!

OK, now we are having some fun. Look Chuck, all I needed was for you to back up off a kid. Sneaking in and getting all up in my face....not cool!!. Now that we have an understanding I think we can finally get this party started!

Ladies and Gentlemen, I implore you; if you are going to take your kid to Chuck E. Cheese please give them a heads up about what to expect. To bring them in and lull them into a false sense of safety with video games, pizza, rides and toys and then spring a HUGE sewer Rat on them with little or no warning is just not right. I hold my Dad responsible although I know he had at least one beautiful accomplice. Don't worry guys, I'll get you back.....just wait!

My dad has been getting some requests for me to post a few pictures on my blog to let everyone know that I'm still alive. Of course, I recently did a video with my dad explaining some feature or another that they just released here at ActiveRain. (To be quite honest the whole thing was pretty boring for me but I did my best to keep a smile and not let dad know how boring it was)

So here you go, pictures of me...... (make sure hold your cursor over the pic for the story)

In what could have been the coolest day of my life to date.........my excitement was somewhat tempered by the impending doom and gloom surrounding my favorite basketball team. You see, I was born a Seattle Supersonics fan........my Dad was born a Seattle Supersonics fan (and in my family you are what you were born, and you don't quit being one unless something REALLY bad happens). How was I to know that only 10 months into my life, that "something REALLY bad" would be taking shape right in front of my eyes?

Let me give you a little background, in case you aren't a fan of the NBA. About two years ago, the owner of the Sonics, a Mr. Howard Schultz (yep, that same guy that is the CEO of Starbucks) decided to sell our beloved franchise to a group of owners from Oklahoma City. When the deal was consummated, there were promises made by the Oklahoma City owners group that they would make a 'good faith effort' to keep the team in Seattle. Well, over the last two years, it now seems that this group of owners, led by Clay Bennett, wanted nothing else but to hijack our team (my team) for a triumphant ride into Oklahoma City.

They would hold the city of Seattle hostage for a new arena deal (granted our local politicians pooped their diapers on this whole thing) and if they didn't get it, they would be off with our team. There are more lawsuits in the courts right now than I would wish on anyone (well except for that one guy, you know who you are!!) with the two main ones being, the city of Seattle suing the new owners to keep them in the current Key Arena lease (set to expire naturally in 2010) and Howard Schultz suing the new owners for breach of contract to get the team back (because of that failed 'good faith effort').

The NBA has voted to allow the new owners to move the team. David Stern has repeatedly come out and been a smug jerk any time he talks about the city of Seattle, or the fans of Seattle (the same fans that have supported the NBA for 41 years no less).

Right now, things are looking dim..........and I am looking back on my one chance to grace center court for an NBA game in Seattle as the most bitter sweet experience of my young life. So this is a plea to either of the judges sitting on the cases that have a chance to keep my favorite team in Seattle........you watch this video of me, and then you tell me how you can rip the heart out of a ten month old little boy by allowing a bunch of modern day cattle rustlers to steal our team!!

(I'm at the 40 second mark if you don't like watching pretty women dance around)

Birds have cages, I'm pretty sure. I see them on Sylvester and Tweetie. Dogs have cages......well at least the one's Michael Vick used to have, I saw them on the news. All the animals at the zoo have cages (at least according to one of the books Mom reads to me, I think I'll probably get to see for real this summer). So to the best of my deductible knowledge........having a cage means you are an animal. So I guess Mom and Dad think I am an animal, because it seems like every time I turn around, they are sticking me in some kind of cage.

First it was that crummy bassinet that I so deftly unloaded on some sucker. Next it's this 'crib' (sounds like cage to me) that they make me sleep in every night. More recently it's this Graco Playard fold and carry thing. Have you seen the website for this thing? Here is a quote from their propoganda (Stalin would be proud):

"A convenient travel bag is also included - just fold the Pack 'n Play® playard, stow it in the bag, and you and your little one are off to see the world."

Off to see the world???? Who are they kidding?? My Mom and Dad have this thing sitting in the living room and every time I so much as close a lid to 'rest my eyes' they try to throw me in this thing. We haven't done any 'world traveling' over here you Graco commies. Look, please don't assume that just because I still spit my food back out into my hand and then smear it all over my face that I am stupid, OK? You aren't fooling me with this new-age cage. I am not fooled by the fact that it doesn't have bars. Your mesh netting is still a weak attempt at trying to keep a baby down (I had to stop the good fight for Neo-awareness, it's become exhausting)

I will not be bound by bars and mesh. In fact, every time I find myself confined to one of these spaces, I pledge to scream at the top of my lungs until either Mom or Dad come and rescue me. So far this plan seems to be working to perfection, although lately after a few minutes of screaming in the 'crib' I fall deeply back into slumber. YAWWWNNNN.......it's getting late, has anyone seen my blanket? 

(please note: the only reason I am smiling is because my mom is behind the camera acting like she is about to release me from my cage) 

Things were so easy when I was younger. It seems like all I ever did was eat, sleep, and poop. Ahhh, those were the days. Now it seems like every day my Mom and Dad are trying to teach me something or get me to do something I'm not interested in. My Dad insisted on buying me this mini-basketball hoop for instance. Doesn't he know I would rather have the big boy version. The one he bought me is about 18 inches tall. Are you joking me? I could dunk on that hoop in my sleep. At least if he is going to try to get me to learn something, he could make it challenging, seriously Dad, the mini hoop is pretty lame!!

With Mom and Dad teaching me stuff, I can generally throw a fit and scream for a few minutes and they will stop teaching me whatever it is they are trying to cram down my throat. Mom will say something like, "OK sweetie, we can try some more in a little while". Of course, I have that short term memory issue that most babies seem to have, so I can't remember if we ever........wait, what was I talking about?

Well apparently there is another force at work trying to shape my young life...........nature! Have you heard of this? Just yesterday, I wake up and what do I find in my mouth? Some foreign substance busting through my gums!! You can imagine my surprise. At first I thought to myself, "Self, you should seriously consider keeping your mouth shut when you sleep, to avoid foreign substances crawling in your mouth"

I figured that like countless other things that have ended up in my mouth, I would be able to either spit this thing out, or swallow it. Once again, imagine my surprise when this stupid thing will not come off my gums!! It is stuck there. Fast forward to this morning.........my Dad caught me chewing on a piece of paper (I love that Dad is so unorganized, there is normally a piece of paper around somewhere for me to get my hands mouth on) and as he was cleaning out my mouth, he exclaims......."Monkels (don't ask.....I like to climb on stuff, he called me Monkey, which became Monk and for some reason is now Monkels) You have a tooth coming through"

At this point, if I spoke like I write, I would have said, "well get this stupid 'tooth' out of my mouth" (but alas, I am not talking yet, cue the pitty party). So I guess I have a tooth. What good is this tooth? Will I get more tooths? What is the plural of tooth? Toothers? I have SOOO many questions.............yet Mom and Dad just gush for a few minutes, and then back to normal. There was no in depth explanation of 'tooth'. There was no explanation of what to do with this 'tooth'. As far as I can tell to this point........it's just a pain in my butt gums.

If I can just find another piece of paper to chew on, maybe they will talk more about my 'tooth'...........maybe there's one under the couch......or the recliner........don't worry, I'll find something to put in my mouth that I shouldn't :-) 

OK OK ladies, unfortunately I won't be including a picture in this post, so contain yourselves. This is just going to be me telling you about what could possibly be the coolest, scariest thing I have EVER come across............my bath.

I've talked in my previous posts about short term memory. The doctor says that my memory is getting longer and longer now but I can't recall ever having had a bath prior to tonight. Mom says she gives me one three times a week, but this is the first time I have been able to keep the memory fresh enough to get it down on the screen.

Nothing in my five months with Mom and Dad gives me such pleasure or causes such exhilaration as that blue plastic bath tub filled with warm water and soothing bubbles. And yet nothing gives me as much trepidation or causes sheer terror like the site of that blue plastic torture device filled with scalding liquid and soapy sting. Which brings me back to that short term memory problem...........I forget..........do I like the bath? Do I hate the bath?

Let me recall my most recent foray into this bath tub....er, torture device......

Mom is always the one that gets all the bath stuff ready...........in fact, Mom is always the one that gets everything ready. So by the time I get my first view of the blue tub, it's usually filled with warm water and soothing bubbles....er, scalding liquid and soapy sting (I'm confused). It's Dad's job to get me undressed and deliver me to Mom.

I love being Naked!!!! So the short transfer from Dad to Mom is a glorious time where I can truly be free and just hang out. My mom however acts as if I am allowed to "hang out" for too long that there is the potential I may "P" (what is P? I have asked every one and they tell me it's a letter..........letters don't have meaning........they create meaning.........I'm confused again) so she is always in a huge rush to get me in the water as quickly as possible.

It's at this point, when I am thrust into the warm, err....scalding water, that the sheer terror sets in.............IS IT TOO HOT??? I CAN'T TELL.............WHAT ARE THESE BUBBLES?.........IS SHE GOING TO DROP ME???? I AM NOT A FISH, I CAN'T BREATH..........OH MY GOODNESS.............WHAT IF I KICK MY FEET??? WILL THAT HELP???? FLAP YOUR HANDS, FLAP YOUR HANDS..............................SCREAM!!!!!!!!!! I HATE THE BATH, I HATE THE BATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You have to be really quick to catch all of this..........when it's happening to you it feels like an eternity.........but the second hand on the clock over the sink usually only moved a few ticks while this was taking place so I think it was pretty quick.........I know because I was watching the clock to see how long my mother was going to allow this terror to consume me. But guess what happened.................Mom didn't let go. She was right there for me. And the water, that only seconds ago was scalding hot, had become the perfect temp. It was nothing short of AMAZING. That same water that only seconds prior was crashing in from every angle to suffocate me? Calm as could be. 

I smack my hand on it a few times to show it who is boss.......wow, this is not scary.........THIS IS AWESOME!!!! I take it all in, I relax. As I relax.......I start to slide down a little in the tub, I can feel the water covering my chest, then coming up to my neck and then approacing my chin.........crap!! flap your hands!! TRY TO SIT UP!!!.................FREAK OUT!!!!! FREEAK OUT!!!!.............oh, mom is there..........ok................relaaaaaaaaxxxxxx.

I continue this routine for the next five minutes as mom lathers me up, rinses me off and Dad stands on the side and makes funny faces and throws water at me with the plastic cup. I laugh and splash back...............man I love my bath 

Ok folks, I have had it with the knuckleheads at ActiveRain. Don't these guys have any concern for my feelings??? I mean honestly, I try to provide good quality content and they keep trying to keep a baby down (only I am free to use the baby term, the rest of you can stick with neo-american).

Here are my list of complaints.............If they are not addressed in a manner I find to be sufficient, I'm taking my toys and I am going home............(errr, wait, I'm at home............well I'll be going somewhere).

1. Last night when I went to bed I had 7086 points. Now today I wake up and I only have 7012 points. WHERE DID MY POINTS GO????? I worked hard for those points. If I don't get my points back, we are going to have a serious issue on our hands here. I'm not prepared to accept their usual lame responses either..............."the points system is automatic", "the points algorithm scores certain things instantaneously and other things are scored hourly or daily". I say make it work so I AM HAPPY WITH IT, otherwise..............well let's just say it won't be pretty!!

2. Why can't I post my stuff where ever I want to post it? If I want to post to 25 groups at once even though the subject matter doesn't fit the groups, why can't I? It's my blog. I should be able to post crap where ever I feel like it. If I have a listing I want it to be in as many places as possible. I don't care if it junks up the system and people have to scroll past it from Florida even though my listing is in Washington. If they ask me to stop putting stuff where ever I want, I am going to thumb my nose at them and force them to spend their time removing it..........haha, let's see if they can keep up!!!!

3. My Localism photos are fine. If I want to take 100 pictures of my local golf course from every possible angle and post them all to Localism who are they to tell me I can't. What if someone wants to know what direction the grass runs on the 15th fairway??? I don't care that they have guidelines................I think I am above any guidelines they set. If I want to post 300 pictures of every stinking house in Bellevue, I think I should be able to. How is someone going to know they can get a yellow or a light blue split-level if I don't show them? If I want to take pictures of every sign in town and post them to Localism, who are they to tell me I can't? Hey, that speed limit sign in that one neighborhood that says "12 miles per hour" is unique around here. 

4. Don't even get me started on cut and paste. I saw something I liked on the internet..........who are the knuckleheads to tell me that I can't steal it and pass it off as something I wrote????? And they have the nerve to threaten me with taking away my points? Then they put my post in draft mode and allow me to properly cite it and link to the original article? PEOPLE, I am 4 months old, why would I have any original thoughts to add to something someone else wrote when I can just pass it off as my own????

Those are just a few of my complaints. I have lots more if you are interested. What really irritates me is that I have to pay..................oh wait, I don't have to pay to use this site...............well even so, I'll do whatever I want and if the guys at ActiveRain don't like it, tough!!!!

(I hope Dad doesn't get mad about this one.........I snuck it past the edit agreement we have) 

Just thought I would sneak on and share some pictures of my costume.  I'm hoping my dad won't recognize me for a bit and let this one slip through the editing process.  I had to be a pumpkin...actually, I wanted to be a sweet pea, but my mom had other ideas (she slacked off and didn't have time to make my costume).  I'm learning to growl too just so I can be scary when answering the door!  I'm off to grandma's to let her tell me how adorable I am. Happy Halloween! 

Sorry I have the same expression, my mom wouldn't stop talking to me with the camera in her hand...and my face hurt from smiling.

I guess I must have been in some pretty hot water with Dad, he hasn't let me post a blog in over a month. The way it works around here is that I write the post and Dad edits it to make sure my spelling and grammar are correct. You see, as a little boy approaching 4 months old now, spelling and grammar come and go. Some days my spelling is extraordinary.........other days it is mundane. Sometimes, I can spell cat, sometimes I can't. 

Nonetheless, I have a ton of posts in draft mode waiting for dad to proofread them. Apparently he got a new job that has him playing around in the rain too much. By the time he gets home, all he wants to do is relax.........and play with me. I guess I can't complain there.

So I am sneaking on his computer and I'm going to post this one without proofreading. It's just a few pictures to show everyone how much I am growing. I hope you enjoy them.....................

(Hopefullly this post will move fast enough on the dashboard that Dad doesn't see it. If he does, I am going to try to pass it off as Mom's fault. I'm crossing my fingers that he is not subscribed to my blog, although if you are reading I would hope you do) 

I probably shouldn't write this story. I know that my dad feels horrible about it. Well at least he had better. In my 11 (or maybe it's 12, who knows....it gets hard to keep track after a while) weeks this is the biggest scare I have had. It ranks right up there with being ripped from the womb by the knife wielding lunatic with the gloves and the mask.

(By the way, as a total aside note, the doctor, or as I referred to him, the knife wielding lunatic with gloves and a mask, that delivered me fell off a ladder four weeks later and broke both his arms. Dr. Zimmer, if you're out there......I hope you fully recover. Babies in Bellevue will be worse off for not having you in the business).

My Mom usually breast feeds me at night. Then at some point after I doze off, she pumps so that I can have something to eat in the middle of the night. Who gets the pleasure of feeding me at 2am is usually a heated battle. Mom always really wants to do it, and of course Dad always really wants to do it. Usually Mom wins, but about two (maybe three if he's lucky) days a week, Dad wins and he gets to get up with me at 2am. Last night was one of those nights.

Now, when Mom gets up with me, it's a full fledge trip out to the living room and a real boob. When it's dad getting up with me, he usually send Mom into the kitchen to heat up the plastic thing (bottle I think you adults call it) and he feeds me from the bed. He doesn't really even get up. He just kind of props pillows up on the bed and lays me over his belly/chest. It's very comfortable for both of us. We always have a great time. Mom lets us turn on the TV and we just hang out. When I'm done, Dad will burp me until I get a good one out, then I fall asleep pretty fast. Normally the next time I wake up, it's in the morning and I'm in my crib.................

Well not last night...............

Last night, after getting burped and settling in for the rest of the nights sleep, I was awakened by.......well actually I don't really know what to compare it to.......let's just say I was falling off the bed.......head first.

My Dad is a SUPER SOUND sleeper. He can sleep through ANYTHING. Mom has a heck of a time waking him up if he is sleeping. He just doesn't wake up until he is ready. Well lucky for me, as I was falling off the bed, he was ready to wake up.

I'm blaming it on him. I think he rolled over a little with me on his chest. I heard him tell the story to Jon today and he said I am getting good at pushing myself up a little bit and he tried to pass the buck like it could have been my fault. Neither one of us knows for sure (we were both sleeping). But seriously Dad, I'm 11 weeks old.....I don't push myself up that well yet..............I'm pretty sure it was because you rolled over.

Anyways, back to the falling part..............so there I am falling off the bed, head first to the ground. And what do I see as I peer up at the corner of the bed as it quickly distances itself from me? That's right, the lightning quick Ninja hand of my Dad.

He awoke from a good sleep, reached out, pretty much blind (which is more like a jedi than a ninja) because he could feel me falling (and my guess is, himself rolling over) and snatched me by the diaper/leg as I hurtled toward the ground...................wow am I glad he has good hands.

I'm not sure whether to be really happy he caught me or really pissed he dropped me.............one thing's for sure though, he feels horrible about it.............but I love him a lot!!!!